before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
