we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
