Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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