I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
