I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
