I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
