I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
