my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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