Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
