Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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