My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
