My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
