and you said cock pushups were impossible
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
