I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it glows. i had to have it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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