Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
