thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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