ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
