I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
