my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
