So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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