I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
two words: eviction party
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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