why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
