I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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