if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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