You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
