Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
