If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
