and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
