I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I need moral support for this bender
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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