i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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