her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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