I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
