well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
