im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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