He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
