its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
