He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
