dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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