who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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