Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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