the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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