totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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