They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
