yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
