Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
