Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
