He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
