The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this boner is exhausting
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
