i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
