So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
