i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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