im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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