i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
