wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
